Vaginas, Assholes, and clairvoyant Mad Men

I never got on the Mad Men bandwagon but a compañera finally sat me down to watch the first episode. ¡Joder! if it wasn’t like eavesdropping on a GOP think tank. The scene in the gynecologist’s office is a verbatim prognostication of the Limbaugh / Santorum soundbites that dominated the uproar over contraception during the Republican primaries:

“Although as a doctor I would like to think that putting a woman in this situation [taking the pill] is not going to turn her into some kind of strrrrumpet…”

¡Guau mayn! Was that New York circa 1960 or KFI circa …last week???

Sub the gyno and Peggy Olson for Rush and Sandra Fluke and you haven’t changed a thing.

If anything, the gyno is kinder, gentler, more open minded, and certainly less misogynistic than the media and political ass-clowns who are shaping the debate over our health care policy. One can try to keep an even keel about these things but it’s difficult to not find yourself perplejo if not down right enojado when a show meant to critique the early years of Madison Avenue consumerism turns out to be so frightfully dead-on at anticipating the neolithic platform of the New Republican.

Do you credit the writers for seeing back in 2007 the new misdirection of women’s health in 2012? Or do you blame them for planting the seeds of anachronism into our pop culture thereby priming the pump for teabag tomfoolery?

In the late 80s the GOP sold its fiscally conservative soul to the fear and hate mongering of a Christian uber-right that has little respect for any concept ever actually espoused by a liberal socialist and community activist named…. Jesus Christ of Nazareth. Too blinded by pride to cut bait with this Frankenstein of a Billy Bob base, the emasculated leaders of the GOP splashed around aimlessly in their own slop as each year they lost more and more control over the monster they created. Twenty years off the leash and these deadbeat dog owners are still doing mental gymnastics to explain why they keep getting bit by the mouth they feed.

Carajo, even Reagan – the gilded icon of conservatism – would be lynched, tarred, and feathered if he actually crawled back from the grave like the messiah he’s become, and tried to balance a budget. As for Nixon, Goldwater, Bush Sr., George Romney …? Those guys would straight get their ass beat. No mercy for the bleeding hearts of compassionate conservatism.

So what are we left with?

Mad men. Angry men. Sad men.

Spiteful fearful little hombres in the twilight of their era. Hellbent on filling the void of their once proud masculinity, they’re flexing their flaccid muscles trying to control the source of so much anxiety and pleasure, of so much shame and desire – the Vagina. And what does the Vagina want?

Pobrecita. While I’m reluctant to speak for an organ that I don’t actually have (isn’t that how a lot of this got started?), after extensive interviews with a statistically relevant sample size, I feel it’s safe for me to say that the Vagina just wants to be left the fuck alone.

Hmm… that reminds me of someone. Isn’t it ironic how so many of the quasi-libertarian assholes in the Tea Party claim to want the exact same thing? Rectums and Vaginas. Neighbors in anatomy, yet enemies in politics.

If only they could all just get along.

– EPR

Un pensamiento en “Vaginas, Assholes, and clairvoyant Mad Men

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